The Annual Telluride Nothing Festival Information And Agenda

Ticket Information:

Lodging

Motels, hotels, condos and camping in specified areas are available.

Food and Drink

Plenty of both are available. Telluride is a "slow" town, meaning there are no fast food joints here. Save water, drink beer!

Travel

A good atlas or your travel agent can help you out. If neither one of these work for you, maybe you shouldn't leave home.

Events

Music

Live music by our very own punk band, "The Cutthroats". Just a bunch of pretty fishy characters who can really play.

The following are planned for this years festival

• Sunrises and Sunsets as normal
• Gravity will continue to be in effect.
• The earth’s rotation will be increased to add a few thrills.
• The laws of physics will be on display.
• Duct Tape Seminar: How to defeat weapons of mass destruction for under $10.
• The art of mogul making. How we use old Volkswagens.
• Sense of humor search.
• T-Shirts on sale.The Telluride Nothing Festival
  

Terror Alert Level (Alert Level will be low to none)

We Will Have a Red Alert When:

• Every other American is a lawyer.
• The other half are realtors.
• Fast food super sizes once again and adds more fat. Get 10 lbs of food for 99 cents.
• Michael Jackson returns his nose to normal.
• Duct tape is $20 per roll.
• Gas is $5 per gallon.
• Coffee is $10 per cup.
• Politicians cease lying to you.
• The French say they love us.
• The Arabs say they love us.
• Airport security companies want to be the police forces in your town.
• All Out Peace breaks out.
• We’re out of T-Shirts.

Events Subject To Change

Staff

Since The Telluride Nothing Festival is really a "non festival", we have no need for a large expensive staff, or even a small cheap one. Usually festivals have Security staffs, but we have decided that instead of a "non security" staff, we will have an "Insecurity Staff". That way, everyone is qualified and will automatically become a staff member. No outsiders here!

Passes

No permits or wristbands are needed here. If you want to look official, just tie a little piece of string around your wrist. Red color for backstage (if any), blue for camping, orange for all events, etc. If you want to look really silly, dress only in black and white, have a small placard on a string around your neck and don't forget the name tag.

Parking

All parking regulations, including the dreaded solar powered parking meters, are in effect this weekend. We did ask the town to suspend metering this weekend for the fun of it and to show you folks visiting what is used to be like in a small town. Their response; "naaaaaaaaaaah! We need the money". We locals think the meters are not really about parking. It's the revenue stream silly!

The End!

Despite the dryness and all the local things we like to make fun of, Telluride is still a great place to visit and live. Knock your socks off scenery and great weather. We celebrate the festival every year in July. Thank you for not participating!